Athlete motivation: Performance and Energy

Through my 20 years a professional footballer, I have encountered athletes (including myself) who struggle with the understanding of motivation behind why they behave in sports. That is the misunderstanding of athlete motivation and how it is linked with high performance and underperformance. Early on in my career, I thought I was the only one that had suffered under performance, but it is evident to me that every athlete at some point in their career will underperform. During those times, I felt anxiety, self-doubt, and negative thoughts and this is no doubt the characteristics that thwarted my performances. It's clear, playing sport consists of the dynamism of high performance and low performance, and so I better get to grips with managing my thoughts and emotions.

Recently, I was in a meeting where we were discussing what football was and it was profoundly stated “football’s a man’s game.” I went home to reflect on this comment, because having played football in the environments that I have, I am of the same opinion. Football is a man’s game. At the elite level, you have to show high levels of motivation, aggression, and determination. In some cases, you have to be prepared to "do whatever it takes" to succeed. However, what is it to be a man in an elite footballing context? Is it making tackles, shouting and being aggressive? No doubt those behaviours are exhibited. However, what does that mean to the players who don’t show aggression or are loud. There are plenty of successful players that don’t show these behaviours, even at the elite level. So how do players who lack aggression, or physicality be successful in the elite sporting context? Surely these and all players have to know something about themselves to reach the elite level of football. What I concluded from all of this is that to understand what being a man is in football is to understand being a man in life. To me, being a man in football is simply knowing who I am.

When I relate to knowing who I am, I mean what do I stand for? What principles and values do I embody? What is my identity? Am limited to being just a goalkeeper, or am I more? Does considering myself as a human open myself up to possibility? From that perspective, I open my mind up to infinite possibilities to what could be, to what I could be. To overcome my greatest fear of not being enough, and shifting towards what I could be means that I open my mind up possibility of actualising my potential. This understanding leads to a transformative impact on my identity. Now my identity is centred in being and now I think holistically as a human. From this perspective, I know how to lead for myself, to lead and support others. Once I know who I am, I know what I’m not, and then from that perspective it doesn’t matter if people accept me or not, I accept myself, I support myself, I forgive myself, and that is to accept that I am enough, I am worth it. It doesn't mean I am not fallible, it means I have the ability to understand when I am wrong and to give it great consideration. I can make sense of the world around me. To understand the causality and directionality of my motivations and subsequent behaviours is key to evolving.

I read a great book once, it was titled “the courage to be disliked,” I think that is what it is to be a leader. In my opinion it is better to be respected than liked, and that is what it is to live with authenticity. You’re not going around saying “hey look at me, look how good I am”. You’re just being competent or being true, or aligned to who you are, based on the values that embody you. So when I go into a social context I put my best step forward and say “this is who I am, if you don’t like me that’s ok, I forgive you, I accept me”. To accept me, is to know me, that I am imperfect and fallible, but also that I can be competent, that I can have virtue. When I think about the above in relation to performance in football, I think about putting my best foot forward knowing that it can all go wrong and that it can all go right.

My truth is that I have encountered some of my worst nightmares of my life on a football pitch and that is not a place that is easy to be. I have had earned the right over a 20 year period of persisting through underperformance and failure, to become something more and to understand who I am when playing. That is the byproduct of suffering; that you die or become something more. I feel confident in saying I have earned the right to know I can perform at a high level, it's because I have suffered, I have endured, and I have persisted, and I have fought the good fight.

So where am I going with all of this? Am I speaking in riddles that don’t make any sense or have I come to realise a truth for myself? From a players perspective, knowing who I am as a human is to embrace who I am, to know that it can all go sideways, or that it can be an opportunity to perform. With the above in mind, when I approach competition there is only one thing that is left to do. To embrace the moment. What is it to embrace the moment? From my experience and reading I believe it to be nothing, to be everything, to exist in the form energy, in the form of being. Resistance to this leads to negative thoughts, self-doubt, anxiety, rooted in the past and projected into the future. Thoughts such as "I must win" or "I can't lose", does this facilitate or thwart performance? My answer is not to win or lose, it is to be. To step away from the man-made pressures of the world. It doesn't mean I don't exhibit aggression, it means I step into the moment, and I accept the outcome, I accept myself and after the game I try to make sense of what happened, regardless of the outcome. There have been plenty of times where I have tried to resist the moment and have won games, but what did I learn from those times? I was still as anxious as ever, and just because we won, did it mean that I performed at a high level? In contrast, the failures I encountered while trying to resist the moment have led me to some of the most testing and stressful times of my life, and that's probably how I have come to realise that I have embrace the moment. To enjoy the ride.

By embracing the moment I quieten my mind, I give myself to the present, and I take my central nervous system out of 'fight or flight' mode and into one of alignment and harmony. Now my perceived pressures of the world dissolve away from me to perform, to embrace the opportunity of life that is waiting me to step into, and that is the game of football. Is it that easy to give up focus of the results of games? We're all in the professional game mainly to win, so it would be fair to say focussing on anything other than the outcome could be perceived as thwarting. So adopting this change of attitude is something that I have had to commit to wholeheartedly, and to do that you need to be courageous through vulnerability and have a deep sense of self-belief in who you are and what you're about.

Embracing the moment has allowed me to be present, centred, and enjoy being harmoniously passionate about playing football.

Every weekend I go through this process of alignment where I know it’s game day. I can feel the mind wandering and the muscles tensing throughout the day. In the past it was a battle of trying to control (and failing) my thoughts and emotions by trying to avoid feeling nervous. Now it's more like playing a chess with my emotions because I appreciate it's my body telling me I'm getting ready to perform in an event that I am passionate about, and what is better than that?! I spend the day keeping it low key. I meditate for as long as it takes to feel present and connected to myself and this can last for 40 minutes at a time. I listen to alpha/beta waves to influence my brain waves into alignment. I think about the game, I think about my mortality, which is who I am and how I'm feeling about myself. I think about the things that I am grateful for, and the things that I love in my life. It fills me with joy and happiness and I feel that regardless of the outcome, that game will be fun and an opportunity to explore what I could be. I say to myself “step into this moment, embrace the moment, have belief, have courage,” and that’s why I have courage and belief printed on the inside of my gloves as a reminder.

I have 'believe' and 'courage' written on the inside of my gloves to remind me sometimes that is all I will in challenging times.

Now competition comes to me in a new form; it as an opportunity to switch off the mind, to focus on the passion of playing a game of football, to have a sense of belonging with my teammates, the club, and the supporters, and that I am part of something greater than myself. It’s 90 minutes to forget about PhD’s or mortgages, or tax returns, or for not replying to that person on the text message, or for not replying to that email. Right here, right now, I have put my egotistic mind to the side, the one that is constantly looking for threats to keep me safe and alive. Now my mind is quiet and I’m not thinking, I’m present, to enjoy the chess like nature of football.

I now look around the stadium, I feel the warmth of emotion of how I enjoy playing in front of thousands of people. I can hear people shouting my name good and bad, their attention is on me so it doesn't matter. I am doing what I love, I am here, I am present, I have surrendered and am embracing this moment. I am aligned. When the game starts, the voices now dissolve into background noise, now I am in flow. The crazy thing is that I'm playing in front of thousands of people, yet I feel quiet like I am fully engaged in a playstation game. Then all of a sudden the big moment arrives to perform and make that save. I am ready. My feet set, the shot comes in, I react and make the save. Adrenaline floods my body and I feel a sense of euphoria. The pain and suffering I have endured over the many years of failure and sacrifice, it’s all worth it. It’s an "aha" moment; I can't appreciate the light without the dark. There’s nothing like it in the world. I am fully present, I surrender and the moment consumes me. I feel like I am on fire and I think when life presents times like this you have to embrace it.

Getting 'in flow' to make saves. How to quieten the mind in order to perform as a goalkeeper has become something of an art and I believe has helped me perform in 'big moments'.

I have just given an example of what I feel when I am in flow during games. What I am saying is simple. I accept that I don’t have control over the outcome, I focus on controlling my thoughts and feelings. To perform. In order to perform, I need to get my mind out of the way, leave ego at the door and just be. It can be easier said then done to 'let go' but I have found in my own experience that life is more fun when I embrace moment rather than resist it. It’s an interesting notion to consider my own mortality and link it to performance. What I really want is to perform through giving my best efforts, and nothing more and to be secure in this notion. To do that I need to tell my conscious to get the fuck out of the way, allowing me to surrender to the moment, so I can perform. To quieten the mind down and be present. I now focus about what I do want versus what I don’t want. I try to give up my identity as a goalkeeper, and focus more on 'just being' in the form of energy. When I think about energy in the form of emotion I think about joy, love, and gratitude, that no matter what everything is going to be ok.

I say “I am enough, I am doing my best, and I am at peace, I surrender”. I really believe tapping into the intrinsic nature of my identity and embrace change when it presents, has allowed me to relieve myself of the fear of competition and focus on the joy of performance. The opportunity to create. The opportunity to become something more. That I have the opportunity to walk and live in a world of harmonious passion and self-expression, not obsession. The satisfaction to know who I am, to accept who I am, to be in the present moment, to embrace the moment, to enjoy the moment. To be at peace, and wholeheartedly perform.

I hope you enjoy this one, I really think athletes suffer the psychology of being an athlete and how to understand their motivations behind competition, and interpret underperformance. It takes time, effort, and persistence. I saw a mental coach for once a week for over a year and forced me to confront many of the assumptions that I made about the world and realised that I was in many cases 'the arsehole'; that is to be ignorant about the life I have lived.

So focus on being competent, rather than showing people that you are trying to be good. Concentrate on doing your job well and at a high level, fall in love with the process, have the humility to welcome failure as an opportunity to become something more, and view success in your life as extracting and actualising potential, rather than winning awards. I have found in my experience that when I embodied something rather than trying to achieve a limitation of a goal, I achieved more than what I thought I was capable. From that perspective, I open myself up to the infinite possibilities of life.